I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
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For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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