I am in a vortex of obligation.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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