I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
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she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
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my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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