so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
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I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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