why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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