Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Follow @tfln