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An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
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