Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New York (716)

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  She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever

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  (716): She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever http://tfl.nu/gnyf
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  Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!

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  (716): Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it! http://tfl.nu/wiz3
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  You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes

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  (716): You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes http://tfl.nu/q993
  Replies (3) Good night (596) Bad night (329)
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  I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.

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  (716): I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like. http://tfl.nu/y2at
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  crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened

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  (716): crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened http://tfl.nu/3r2k
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  The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.

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  (716): The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us. http://tfl.nu/j1ej
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  The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes

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  (716): The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes http://tfl.nu/9ioy
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  this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon

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  (716): this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon http://tfl.nu/3rl3
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  It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving

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  (716): It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving http://tfl.nu/l18z
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  Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?

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  Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.

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  .......

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  I'm just looking out for you.

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  (716): Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday? (585): Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change. (716): ....... (585): I'm just looking out for you. http://tfl.nu/cj8v
  Replies (16) Good night (2313) Bad night (589)
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  my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question

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  (716): my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question http://tfl.nu/fvr6
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  and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt

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  (716): and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt http://tfl.nu/qzo4
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  Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.

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  (716): Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum. http://tfl.nu/mwlv
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  Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week

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  (716): Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week http://tfl.nu/sqfo
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  I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome

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  (716): I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome http://tfl.nu/f4q6
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