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He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
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