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I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
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