Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Iowa (515)

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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there

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  (515): I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there http://tfl.nu/h3ha
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke

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  (515): sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke http://tfl.nu/6ss8
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.

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  (515): Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn. http://tfl.nu/kzr9
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  ...there is blood under my fingernails.

  (515): View more from Iowa

  ...I hope my roomates are okay.

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  (515): ...there is blood under my fingernails. (515): ...I hope my roomates are okay. http://tfl.nu/jgvb
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day

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  (515): we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day http://tfl.nu/zvmb
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.

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  (515): you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep. http://tfl.nu/cw9o
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.

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  (515): Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs. (402): but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs. http://tfl.nu/7170
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.

  (407): View more from Florida

  Its part of my fall instant classic line.

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  (515): I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot. (407): Its part of my fall instant classic line. http://tfl.nu/v43i
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show

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  (515): pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show http://tfl.nu/p27u
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  As in blowjob or cannibalism?

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.

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  (515): John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance. (1-515): As in blowjob or cannibalism? (515): I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal. http://tfl.nu/r3de
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.

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  (515): Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy. http://tfl.nu/x9uw
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype

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  (515): You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype http://tfl.nu/ca23
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.

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  (515): he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants. http://tfl.nu/e70d
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"

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  (515): Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?" http://tfl.nu/shhr
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.

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  (515): So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial. http://tfl.nu/ftzk
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