Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (731)

Last Night in Tennessee (731)

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can we take a shower together?

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no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing

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(731): can we take a shower together? (901): no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing http://tfl.nu/lc5h

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who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.

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(731): who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you. http://tfl.nu/e0pj

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We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?

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(731): We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country? http://tfl.nu/p4z6

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the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.

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(731): the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink. http://tfl.nu/2z0e

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She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro

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(731): She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro http://tfl.nu/kq10

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i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview

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(731): i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview http://tfl.nu/woj8

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Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!

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(731): Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?! http://tfl.nu/umwb

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Yah man, that place is surreal

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Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?

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(801): Yah man, that place is surreal (731): Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal? http://tfl.nu/sga3

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He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties

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(731): He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties http://tfl.nu/51c2

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Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.

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(731): Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us. http://tfl.nu/v50h

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We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.

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(731): We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage. http://tfl.nu/1q8x

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Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.

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(731): Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you. http://tfl.nu/9eaj

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all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were

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(731): all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were http://tfl.nu/iffh

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I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.

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(731): I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one. http://tfl.nu/nuy4

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Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.

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(731): Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work. http://tfl.nu/qr42

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Last Night in Tennessee (731)

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