I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
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She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
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Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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