Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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