if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
