I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
