Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
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She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
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Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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