I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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