Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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