i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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