Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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