weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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