i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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