I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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