Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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