I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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