Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
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Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
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I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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