took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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