I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
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