I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis needs a shock collar
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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