butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
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I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
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She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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