and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize