We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
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i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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