Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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