That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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