You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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