It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
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No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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