For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
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Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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