I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize