In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
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I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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