This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
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We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
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I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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