According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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