My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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