Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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