It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
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hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
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Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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