I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
