i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize