WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
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Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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