Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
