i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
