i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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