you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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