I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
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apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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