Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(253): View more from Washington

I'm going to rape someone's good day.

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(253): I'm going to rape someone's good day. http://tfl.nu/to10

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.

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(704): I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum. http://tfl.nu/041y

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(917): View more from New York City

And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.

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(917): And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it. http://tfl.nu/q4pd

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.

(1-609): View more from New Jersey

First class.

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(609): Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass. (1-609): First class. http://tfl.nu/3mby

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(719): View more from Colorado

just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?

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(719): just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am? http://tfl.nu/1xol

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?

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(610): who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch? http://tfl.nu/432a

Replies (38) Good night (3819) Bad night (1130) Order T-Shirt
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(540): View more from Virginia

i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building

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(540): i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building http://tfl.nu/8nc8

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(817): View more from Texas

I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.

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(817): I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve. http://tfl.nu/17gc

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(770): View more from Georgia

"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.

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(770): "Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea. http://tfl.nu/i0ux

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(620): View more from Kansas

Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.

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(620): Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid. http://tfl.nu/58do

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(702): View more from Nevada

I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.

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(702): I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat. http://tfl.nu/7ors

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(240): View more from Maryland

she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.

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(240): she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes. http://tfl.nu/9p5u

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(541): View more from Oregon

bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?

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(541): bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me? http://tfl.nu/wm16

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(646): View more from New York

Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom

(347): View more from New York

I can't even drink.

(646): View more from New York

The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.

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(646): Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom (347): I can't even drink. (646): The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples. http://tfl.nu/1cwa

Replies (10) Good night (1741) Bad night (428)
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(630): View more from Illinois

Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual

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(630): Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual http://tfl.nu/4rhk

Replies (1) Good night (730) Bad night (284) Order T-Shirt

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