I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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