I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
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Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
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I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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